How do Abusive Relationships Begin?

The answer is various ways.

Everyone is different.

But I am going to tell you my experience.

Mine started with “love” and lots of it. Emotional support, gifts, and a lot of affection. I felt on top of the world and even forgot about my flaws and prior problems. This whole lotta love quickly turned into no love. I found myself emotionally abused frequently and felt as though my feelings were never taken into consideration or even acknowledged. I was in love with a narcissistic, someone who cared nothing about me, unless I was benefiting him. I was called many names in the book for no apparent reason, I think it was because he was unhappy with himself those days. Everything was an image, I was shamed about my tattoos, even though he was aware of them before we go together. I was shamed for my friend choice, I was told “I am the company I keep”. I was no longer aloud to talk to my parents or even go get my eyebrows done without being accused of cheating. This became my routine, I was so used to it. I told myself he did this because he loved me, but boy was I wrong. The names became stronger and ended with complete silence. He began giving me the silence treatment, just for torture, just so I thought something was wrong with me. Also, for me to text and try to call him, which I believe gave him an ego-boost, like “oh she wants me”. The relationship ended with a family members death and that was his excuse to go buck-wild and forget my name. I sadly, begged and I mean begged him not to go. It was only until I had no interest in him, was he calling my phone everyday apologizing. I found strength to keep myself away and have no contact. By no contact I mean blocked phone number and blocked on all social media. I even blocked his family and friends, because he started using them as an outlet to reach me. I carry on all the memories into my new healthy relationship and I’m glad my current significant other is able to understand why I still need to talk about these things from time to time. Lets be honest, most men don’t want to hear about your ex’s, but this affected me so negatively, that my fiance listens and listens well. I still will sometimes have dreams about it all. I wonder how someone can be so nice to you in the beginning, just for it all to have a hidden agenda.

Lets talk about warning signs and when to face reality.

1. If you are googling whether or not you’re in an abusive relationship, you most likely are.
2. Love-bombing. Love-bombing is the act of putting you up on the highest mountain during the early stages of dating. This can include overly affectionate, wanting to move quickly, becoming attached quickly, telling you you’re perfect ALL the time, etc. This usually leads to trouble in the long run.
3. If you have to talk to your family and/or friend constantly about your relationship problems (and I mean almost every time you talk to them) your relationship should probably be over.
4. Name calling. It’s not acceptable, under any circumstances.
5. Always feeling like a burden or that something is wrong with you.
6. Gas-lighting. I find this to be the WORST form of emotional abuse.
7. Constantly going out to the bars (or similar area), while you stay at home.
8. No affection towards your kid(s).
9. No respect.
10. Always bringing up your past.
11. Too “protective”, not being able to go anywhere.
12. Not being able to say what is on your mind, without the thought of being shot down or being made fun of.
13. Being made fun of… constantly.
14. Lastly, you’re crying all the time or always upset and/or stressed.

Thank you for taking time to read my story, if you want details please let me know in the comments. I am interested in hearing your stories and opinions as well 🙂

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